Cauliflower "Pasta" Salad

You know that light, lemony, delicious pasta salad that you're likely to find at a friendly barbecue or summer get together? Orzo, pine nuts, finely chopped veggies and other delicious nuggets are typically in attendance and you're likely to get seconds. Ok - well my girlfriend's boyfriend is like a master chef. No seriously...he lights that shi* up in the kitchen. He's pretty awesome...and his last name sounds like "butts"...which is hilarious to my immature, twenty-four-year-old self and makes him that much cooler. He brought this wicked little dish to our cozy Super Bowl watch party and I immediately sought to recreate it, post it and give him full credit. I literally had nothing to do with this - it was just too brilliant a use of cauliflower rice NOT to share.

Speaking of cauliflower rice - I really hope you live near a Trader Joe's and are familiar with the frozen, organic, pre-riced cauliflower that they started selling not long ago. It's actually so popular at my local T. Joe's that it's essentially IMPOSSIBLE to get your hands on. I shamelessly call them on a weekly basis to check when their next shipment arrives, at which point I write it down in my calendar, visit the store on the day it's due to arrive, and then buy the whole case. No joke...I just counted 18 bags of this business in my freezer. It's like my own personal version of catnip. I single handedly contribute to the "Trader Joe's cauliflower rice shortage" pandemic that has taken over Charlotte. But I am totally unapologetic because you seriously never know when it's going to be back in stock. Once I had to go three whole months without was truly devastating. Do you know what it's like to go from the utter mess of ricing your own cauliflower to having it pre-riced and packaged to having to go BACK to the mess of doing it yourself?!?!?! IT'S MY OWN PERSONAL HELL! Which...when said out loud...probably indicates that I am very fortunate in my life and should stop being a big cauliflower brat. 

Now...go ahead and see if you can find some pre-riced cauliflower, make this delightful side dish and thank Mr. Buttcheeks for creating something so rad.


  • 2 bags Trader Joe's frozen cauliflower rice, OR 2 medium heads of cauliflower, cut into florets
  • 1/2 red bell pepper, finely diced
  • 1/2 orange bell pepper, finely diced
  • 1/2 green bell pepper, finely diced
  • 1/3 cup cucumber, finely diced
  • 6 stalks green onions, finely sliced
  • 2 tbsp olive oil
  • Juice of 2 large lemons, plus more to taste if necessary
  • Salt and pepper to taste


  1. Let the frozen cauliflower rice thaw at room temperature for about an hour or two. If you don't have the fortune of using pre-riced cauliflower, go ahead and make your own. Throw your cauliflower florets into a food processor or high speed blender and pulse until you get a rice like consistency. Be careful - if you let it go too long it will turn into puree. You may need to do this in batches. 
  2. Pour the cauliflower rice into a large serving bowl.
  3. Toss finely diced and sliced veggies into the cauliflower rice bowl.
  4. Throw in the olive oil and lemon juice. 
  5. Toss everything well so that the diced veggies are evenly distributed and everything is coated in the olive oil and lemon juice. Taste and add more lemon juice if you want it more citrusy.
  6. Season with salt and pepper to taste!
  7. Bonus - if you tolerate dairy, throw in some feta. Total game changer.